Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

At the beginning of June, Gordon Parker was announced as the winner of the Master of Mallory 2006 Monday evening events and accepted his trophy from Ken Evans.

Now on to the serious stuff. As our readers know, we do not clutter up our website with junk, so on that note what you are about to read must be important.

To protect the innocent any alleged victim’s names and identities are changed. Everything that has been written is alleged, although we have signed avadavat from very credible witnesses, who we can mention.

Should We Have Random Drug Testing For Our Fishing Events?

It has been bought to our attention that a certain member, who cannot be named for legal reasons but one of his aliases is 'Leicester's Professional Angler' and his real name rhymes with Port-A-Loo and his car registration is P5ORTER, has been seen using illegal substances. This does not just refer to his bait.

Several very reliable contacts, who again at this stage cannot be named in order to protect them (Steve Warner, John Hall and Matt Hall), who we reliably understand have never exaggerated the facts have proposed that drug testing should be mandatory at fishing events. This is serious, and questions have to be asked.

It has always raised suspicions when the angler in question turns up with a coffee cup in hand, supposedly purchased from Borders. The problem being that Borders is not open that early. Allegedly the drink contains illegal substances (we are not at liberty to go into details). However what has been noted is that if the 'coffee' mug is not available then the said angler has a disaster regarding performance, we will have to let you judge why this happens.

Leicester’s Professional Angler, who cannot be named, is taking advanced orders for his third book aptly named 'My book of excuses' by Steve Porter (oops, should not have mentioned his name). He will accept all donations of any description with the exception of illegal substances - I have been asked to clarify that fact. This is a very serious subject and if anyone can provide information that is 100% reliable, similar to that provided by Steve, John and Matt, it may be used in subsequent articles. The angler in question was asked for a comment. His reply was 'no comment'. Watch this space for more true news updates.

Chris Downes SUPERSTAR

If you have not already heard we have at least one Professional, Sponsored, International and now Fish 'O' Mania qualified angler in our ranks. This angler, who until recently was a mere mortal, is now named as ACE. Records show that in the past Chris has thrown a few wobblies, even though he was frequently awarded 'man of the match'. In the last Mallory event, he filed three bait buckets with sick after taking a barrage of insults from fellow anglers around him; it was only nice comments from honest Roy that pulled him through the match. We wish him all the best at Fish 'O' Mania.

The Worm Has Turned

It was payback time for Nasty Ward at the recent away match at Packinton Fisheries. Firstly he sat on the wrong peg, which turned out to be rubbish. The peg he should have sat on was a flier. Secondly everything went wrong and to add to it all Dagga failed to win the honesty prize by one ounce.

After the event a check on the rules by the committee confirmed that he should have won the honesty prize anyway. His fellow anglers had no sympathy at all; it was sweet revenge for all of the hurtful comment that has been said in the previous months. There were no hard feelings from Mr Ward other than to say that everyone had better watch out next week.

New Match Record

John Hall recently broke the three-hour Foundation Match record with 235lbs, followed by his brother Matt with 198lbs. An awesome achievement, well done.

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