Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

It Had To Happen...

Everyone's worst nightmare is to draw next to Rob Clayton and get battered.

Rob, at one time our most improved angler, was high on Red Bull last Sunday for the big match. Before the draw the caffeine was working hard and challenges were being thrown around like confetti. Rob drew on the Mallory Big Lake next to archenemy, the infamous Dagga Ward. The only aim of our tackle guru Rob was to annihilate Dagga. To make matters easier Rob, who now has more new tackle than Match Catch Fishing Tackle shop, was fully armed with virtually a mountain of hardly used tackle. Well that’s what Dagga said, because most of the tackle had not caught any fish anyway. (I have edited what was actually said because it was very hurtful. Kev).

In very difficult conditions the battle began and Mr Ward must have been quietly confident, having drawn a much better looking peg. However he had not reckoned on the cunning plan that Rob had tucked in his pocket. Rob had obviously studied the weather, the air pressure, the moon phase and the water temperature, and with all that information mixed with the Red Bull he concluded that the vast stocks of Mallory carp would not want to feed, especially at his and Mr Ward's pegs. His cunning plan was to target the perch (no one had ever done that before) and he relentlessly started to take Dagga apart.

A phone call to Dagga half-way through the match said it all, it was panic mode. The caller, who does not wish to be named in case of reprisals, recalls that phoning for an ambulance was mentioned as well as possibly calling the fire brigade to put out the burning tackle. At the weigh-in the inevitable had happened. Dagga, who was weighed-in first, was visibly shaken as it looked more than a possibility that Rob had battered him. It was clear that Rob was confident; the sly grin from ear to ear said it all. Dagga tried to shrug it off but his face said it all, it was like a man walking to the gallows when he crept up to Rob's peg to witness the weigh-in.

The odds of Dagga being battered were in the thousands to one. With victory in sight Rob totally blew-out with his estimated weight. The pressure, or lack of it, had gone to his brain and he was that far out he had to buy everyone an ice-cream. But, as he said, this was a small price to pay for his victory. Dagga had little choice but to accept defeat bravely. Everyone congratulated Rob and all sharp objects were removed from Mr Ward. Next on Rob's hit list is ruthless Russell and Robber Marlow. Both were visibly shaken by the possibility that Rob is now in top gear. Watch this space.

We have received a verified report concerning Leicester's Professional Angler, Mr REPROTS (that's his car number plate, we cannot mention his real name for legal reasons). It appears he was scrounging cardboard boxes to put clothes in so that they could be transported to his new home from a local fishing tackle shop that again has ask not to be mentioned. (It is in Oadby). When the boxes were collected the owner also gave Steve (oops, not supposed to mention his name) a matchbox. "What's this for?" asks Steve. "It's to put your fishing trophies in" came the reply. Now that is extremely hurtful and may have to be put forward as a nomination for the Nasty Trophy.

It also transpires that the 'Super' team, consisting of Steve and various tackle dealers, was absolutely battered in the CIU league by mere mortals Warner's Misfits. You could not write the odds of this happening on a toilet roll at the start of the series. Just shows that every dog has his day sometime.

previous | next