Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

Winter league report provided by Kev Russell:

This week's report should be online early as I am getting phone calls all week until it goes up - I must add that it has no bearing on my results whatsoever. There was another good turnout this Sunday with 47 anglers paid up to fish. Reports from the usual Saturday practice squad were not good, the ones that owned up to having a practice had struggled to catch.

Scott Brown with the top weight of the day

A good draw was needed. I didn't fancy peg 18 when Bob drew it out for me, but I was given some good advice from Chris Needham, who had won the section from it the previous week. I was also pleased to hear from Mr. Ward that Dave Hough, who had drawn peg 19 from his bed, wouldn't be turning up to fish, this gave me a spare peg both sides, a bonus. It was a slow start for most up on pool 1, with only Rob 'the eel' Clayton and Mick 'python' Moore hooking fish early on. The pressure was really on though, in this section, and both decided to let several fish swim away at the net!!! Scott Brown, who was next to Rob, realized he had to raise his game, and rumour has it he was soon catching from everyone else's swim!! He added after the match that Kerry Dyson, on peg 9, was a very nice man, much like himself, and was willing to share his swim.

The banter in carp corner, pegs 7 through to 15, was quite entertaining, and as they called each other names I managed to keep sneaking a few carp in under the radar. As it turned out Scott won the section with 11 fish for 58lb, fishing from peg 10 and casting into most of the pegs around him, according to Mr. Ward. I managed to sneak in second with 7 carp for 39lb and 'Honest' Jim came in third pushed hard at the finish by ever improving Rob Clayton.

Gary Sadler took good advantage from drawing the top buddy peg 1 for the second week running to take the honours in the first section with 42lb of little carp. Down on the bottom section, O.A.P. Brian 'likely lad' Envis took the win from Dom Lanni by 2ozs, with league leader Gordon Parker having to wait until the last hour to put a few carp in the net for third. I must add that Brian actually got the blame for Mick Moore’s demise in our section, Brian had actually been fibbing to Mick as to what he had caught and when Mick rang Brian to protest, he had a bite, had trouble multi-tasking and threw his phone into peg 15. He spent the rest of the match trying to rescue his SIM card with his landing net. Apparently he has some 'personal' numbers on this card!!!

All was pretty quiet from the other lakes but events 'may' come to light in the final part of this report.

Pool 1

Section 1
Gary Sadler - 42lb - peg 1
Rich Wells - 29lb - peg 5
Carl Redman - 26lb - peg 3

Section 2
Scott Brown - 58lb - peg 10
Kevin Russell - 39lb - peg 18
Jim Chessman - 14lb - peg 13

Section 3
Brian Envis - 19lb 8oz - peg 28
Dom Lanni - 19lb 6oz - peg 25
Gordon Parker - 15lb - peg 21

Pool 4
Stu O'Donnell - 40lb - peg 70
Paul Bates - 31lb - peg 71
Roy Marlow - 27lb - peg 68

Pool 5
Dave Hunter - 25lb - peg 77
Trev Slater - 17lb - peg 81
Les Wright - 8lb - peg 84

Pool 6
Bob Conway - 39lb - peg 86
Ian Saiger - 33lb - peg 87
Brian Hill - 29lb - peg 90

Pool 7
Chris Downs - 30lb - peg 99
Chris Allen - 28lb - peg 102
Chris Needham - 27lb - peg 108

And finally it has come to the committee's attention that there were many very hurtful comments made this weekend concerning some very nice members. Your committee believes that this must stop before we lose any more members.

As usual everything that is written in this column has to be verified as being honest and truthful, if it is not then at the committee's discretion alias names may be used to protect the innocent.

Brian Envis - first on section 3 of pool 1

The moaner of the match award, which now replaces man of the match, must go to ACE angler Chris Downs. His pals came close to disowning him and Bob Eaton has put in an order for a batch of earmuffs because they were fed up with the moaning. ACE without doubt, in his opinion, drew the worst peg on the whole of the Glebe and wanted to make certain everyone also knew it. It was the same peg on pool 7 that Ringo had 50 plus pounds from the other week. Asked for comments most anglers said no comment for fear of reprisals from ACE. We did find out from travelling companion Chris Allen that Fleur De Leis pies now sponsor ACE. Apparently according to Chris Allen ACE studied pythagoras at school but misunderstood it. ACE thought that Pie R Squared meant a pie in each hand, now that is extremely hurtful, but in case this goes legal we must point out that we have a witness to this statement. Ringo thinks it must be Melton Pork Pies, and Bob Eaton said he is a pie. Now children, what you meant was that he caught his fish on pies.

This next piece has been edited as it is very hurtful. Mr Ward rang Robber to say that Scott Brown was bagging up, asked what bait Mr Ward said he was catching on blubber from his own belly. Well that was the nice bit. The rest of the story concerned sponsorship; pie companies are now also sponsoring Scott and are reputedly making a new range of big pies under the Ginster banner. The packaging will have a strap line saying. 'Ginster's pies will make you slim' - Mr Ward thinks that the word slim is a misprint. Since the pie sponsorship has been mentioned shares in both companies have risen

Rob Clayton models his 'invisible to fish' attire

Remember Stu O'Donnell? He's the angler that sneaks up and has a practice, then draws the same peg in the match. SOD won easily on pool 4 with an epic performance - what concerns us is that he knew every fish by its first name. To make matters worse he is still telling everyone that the film The Great Escape was based on the antics of Mr Ward who pretends to accidentally hook the far bank, then he walks round to release it and deposits one tin of corn out of each leg into his swim.

We are awaiting a photograph from Paul Bates of Scott Brown's new girlfriend. It turns out that the Donkey has blown Scott out. It is also reported that Mr Bates has been making his work mates poorly with accounts of his recent form. Dom is asking the boss for some ear defenders.

Steve Conway was gutted after a poor performance on pool 7; ask for a comment he said, 'If I had a carp for every pie that ACE had eaten you would still be weighing me in'. Bob Eaton added that if you weighed all of the pies in, you would still be there and need commercial scales to take the load. The committee has asked that this personnel barracking stops immediately as it can be deemed as being cruel to the pies.

Mr Ward has requested that you do not ring him during the match unless it is very important. He claims that the missed calls are affecting his performance. We are not sure what that means.

And finally finally the phone lines were remarkably quite on Sunday night, one obvious reason was that Mick the Python Moore had changed is phone provider from 02 to H20 - he obviously thought that was all you had to do to make your phone work under water.

The second reason was that yet again Leicester's Pro Angler Mr Sporter had had another bad day on the canal. It must be mentioned that he caught a lot more than the week before. He did weigh in 8oz of mainly small fish from what we understand is one of the very best swims on the canal. He was however very unlucky to get beaten off the next peg by a non-famous carp angler (Rob Wooton) with what we understand was a very lucky 4oz perch in the last minute of the match. Mr Sporter must be well out of pocket because we also understand that he tried to buy a new giant Preston Innovations seatbox from an alias Oadby Tackle dealer, but allegedly PI would not supply the dealer as they felt too threatened by the Red Wolf account!! Allegedly.

Back to the Glebe, this takes some believing but Honest Jim Chessman showed his hidden hurtful streak big time. A few floating casters came by and the comment was 'Robber Marlow must be upwind of us', now that is very hurtful as Robber was on a different lake. Honest Jim was also hurtful to Mr Ward when he said 'The only time you are quiet is when you are catching fish' followed by 'that's why you are not quiet very often', now that is cruel.

Robber has asked that it is pointed out that he will not be at the next few matches, and he feels that this column will be reduced to make people think he writes it. He would like to make it clear and he has witnesses that the main contributor is Mr Ward.

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