Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

Winter league report provided by Kev Russell:

It was a very blustery day for the 47 anglers that had turned out to fish this week's match. The draw was soon done and it was noted that Andy Kind was back to his best drawing form, getting an end peg on pool 7. Ringo was also on form drawing peg 102, the peg that he had sat on for his Saturday practice. League leader Dom Lanni had a bit of a grumble when his usual peg 4 was pulled out by Mick Moore in front of him, but soon cheered up as he pulled out peg 5. Our ACE Chris Downs was also in a bad mood as he had pulled out the peg that had only come second the previous week, Mr Ward had suggested that the BTO (the British Trust for Ornithology) should be notified as the Pie Catchers looked like they may get together, Scott Brown was next to ACE.

Jarrad - winner of section 3

I had no reason to grumble as I had drawn a winning peg from the previous week, peg 15 on pool 1. It was noted that there had been a bit of 'bad stuff' at the end of the pool though, 'angling legend' Bob Eaton, on peg 29, had apparently persuaded Eric Burton not to fish peg 30, saying that it was crap. As soon as he had driven away, without even getting his kit from his van, Bob proceeded to plum up a line to his right into peg 30.

Before we started fishing I had a good few liners whilst setting up my line clips and felt confident of a few fish. It was a slow start though and a few foul hooked fish were lost. Paul Gardener to my left was catching a few, as was Shane Fowler to my right. I struggled on through the match but never really got anything going. I was looking at a poor section result. My only consolation was that Dagga had only caught one carp, and this would save me from coming last. The first section hadn't fished as well as it had in previous weeks, with the carp being spread a bit by the strong wind, a few had bunched up in the bay and Rob Harper took a good win on peg 9, a peg he had not really fancied against the early fliers. Domonic had again done well and came in second, with Rich Bedder at the next peg in third.

My section was well and truly won by Neil Russell with a great catch of carp weighing 92lb, Neil had fished a small feeder with maggot hook bait very tight to the far bank boards. Gary Sadler was in second place with 14 carp from peg 12 and Paul had 7 good sized carp next to me for third. Mr Ward had tried to pull one over on me and actually had four fish, but I had had been lucky catching a fish on the whistle to keep him in last place. Neil had commented on his catch saying it was easy really 'it was like having an empty peg either side', he thanked Jarrad, at the next peg, by putting his feeder rod down for the last hour and letting a few swim Jarrad’s way. This was enough to give Jarrad the win in the end section, as he, or should I say 'Rodney' had already caught a few fish prior to this gift. Rob Bowser had a slow start but caught a few late on the long pole to come in second, and Bob had used peg 30 to good effect, taking a few fish late on his 'empty peg' line.

Neil Russell with a very fat fish

Pool 4 had fished well and Gary Miller took top weight on the day with 99lb from the shallow end of the lake, peg 67, catching well at the end of the match to just edge out Rich Wells who also had great catch of 94lb. Carl Redman was in third with 70lb. Keith Hudson did the business on pool 5, also at the easterly end of the lake, putting 75lb on the scales. Paul Taylor was in second at the other end of the lake and Ian Saiger was in third from the middle.

Down on pool 6 there had been an epic battle between the two big men, very late on in the match though Scott Brown had been sent a gift fish from his mate, 'soon to be wed' Paul Bates. Paul was on peg 96 at the far end of the lake and had lost a fish including his end tackle - this end tackle was skilfully caught by Scott with the 9lb carp still attached!!! Scott took the win from ACE with an advantage of just 4lb, much to ACE's disgust. Even Ringo, on pool 7, had joined in condemnation of Scott's catch. Paul was rewarded for his kindness, getting third place.

Pool 7 had turned out harder than expected, this helped 'pro' angler Steve Porter, as he likes his fishing to be very hard. He took the win with 47lb. Dave Hough was again in the middle of the lake and was again in second place, OAP Brian 'the bread' Envis put 27lb on the scales for third.

Here are the section places:

Pool 1

Section 1
Rob Harper - 67lb - peg 9
Dom Lanni - 58lb - peg 5
Rich Bedder - 46lb - peg 6

Section 2
Neil Russell - 92lb - peg 20
Gary Sadler - 66lb - peg 12
Paul Gardener - 40lb - peg 14

Section 3
Jarrad Smith - 28lb - peg 21
Rob Bowser - 25lb 8oz - peg 27
Bob Eaton - 25lb 2oz - pegs 29 & 30

Pool 4
Gary Miller - 99lb - peg 67
Rich Wells - 94lb - peg 71
Carl Redman - 70lb - peg 68

Pool 5
Keith Hudson - 75lb - peg 78
Paul Taylor - 49lb - peg 85
Ian Saiger - 43lb - peg 82

Pool 6
Scott Brown - 45lb - peg 87
Chris Downs - 41lb - peg 89
Paul Bates - 35lb - peg 96

Pool 7
Steve Porter - 47lb - peg 105
Dave Hough - 34lb - peg 104
Brian Envis - 27lb - peg 99

And finally, 'Robber' Marlow and 'Ruthless' Russell spent most of Sunday trying to console certain members and prevent very hurtful comments being spread about. As usual everything said here has to be verified to protect the innocent.

The committee is concerned about certain members who are continually hurtful to fellow humans. Some of these comments are so hurtful we have had to edit them for fear of reprisals.

Rob Harper - winner of section 1

The first very hurtful comment came from Dagga Ward and concerned our own Mr Cheerful ACE Chris Downs. Everyone who knows Chris certainly knows that he is not miserable and always moaning (I said that Chris). Our ACE has been off colour for a few weeks, we thought it was down to eating too many pies - it possibly is, but Mr Ward has found out that our ACE has contracted E-Coli from eating one of the pies. On that note it is obvious why ACE has been so miserable. Now we know that the problem is medical can you all please leave ACE alone?

On that note we have to report that one of his few mates who is still talking to him made a very hurtful comment in front of reliable witnesses in the match on Sunday. Neil Russell landed a very fat carp, and as soon as it was in the net he said 'I have just landed a Chris Downs'. Asked what that meant he just said it was a fat b******. The committee was gob smacked, to make matters worse Neil proudly posed with the fish for a photograph just to confirm our story, now that is very hurtful.

Robber received a phone call from ACE who wanted to make an official complaint about the other sponsored pie eater, Scott Brown, who had drawn next to him. Apparently Scott landed a big carp that another angler had lost earlier, the problem was that Scott's hook was in the trailing feeder. ACE said that if this fish cost him a place he was not coming again. Everyone knows that official complaints are taken very seriously and are always put to the match committee.
Your match committee consists of 'Robber' Marlow, 'Ruthless' Russell, 'Nasty' Ward and 'Honest' Scott Brown. Robber and Ruthless abstained; all we can tell you is that the two other members voted against ACE. For fear of reprisals we cannot mention the names of the two committee members who voted against ACE.

Talking about one of the other two match committee members, who is Mr Ward.
He was very hurtful to his little pal Robber during the match. He hid his flask and would not give his pal a drink until he caught a fish. Roy decided it was quicker to go into town for a coffee than wait for Mr Ward to catch a fish.

Down on Pool 7 our very own Leicester’s Professional Angler won the section with a big bonus carp in the last hour. Being very modest about his win he said, 'the cream always comes to the top'. This is true but as Mr Ward said, 'so does the scum'.

We understand that our most improved angler Rob Clayton was given a lot of stick from fellow anglers, all of which is totally unjustified. Please can you refrain from being so offensive. On that note it must be mentioned that young Jarrad is still in contention for the nasty trophy. Knowing that Leicester’s Pro Mr Sporter and ACE had caught a few fish he said 'they must have sat on a shedful - when they drew next to me they both fished like Muppets'.

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