Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

Bloodbaths, suicides and very hurtful comments were all happening at the first Members’ Sunday event on Glebe Pools 1, 4, 5, 6 & 7. The complex lived up to its name as the best fishery in the country in glorious weather on Sunday. With a turnout of 55 anglers including all of the Super Stars it was always going to be an exciting match. This event was also a qualifier for the Champion of Mallory final scheduled for September.

First the results, then the detail:

Section 1

Ian Saiger - 152lb 10oz
Chris Allen - 142lb 0oz
Dom Lanni - 115lb 10oz

Section 2

Kev Russell – 122lb 8oz
Garry Sadler - 109lb 2oz
Keith Hudson - 105lb 6oz

Section 3

Chris Downs - 176lb 12oz
Stu O’Donnell - 124lb 8oz
Eric Burton - 114lb 8oz

Section 4

Adie Hull - 107lb 8oz
Dan Hull - 94lb 6oz
Chris Needham - 85lb 7oz

Section 5

Paul Gardner - 183lb 14oz
Brian Envis - 110lb 0oz
Roy Marlow - 104lb 8oz

Section 6

Scott Brown - 157lb 6oz
Jarrad Smith - 125lb 6oz
Gordon Parker - 92lb 3oz

Section 7

Steve Conway - 126lb 0oz
Stu Johnson - 84lb 8oz
Rich Morgan - 82lb 2oz

Adie Hull

Star of the show was Adie Hull who was in the wars, he chased after his top 5 kit that a carp was towing along the bank and did a spectacular 9.8 point dive to rescue his pole. The dive was perfect but unfortunately the water was not. With only a couple of feet of water at the point of entry the bottom proved harder than Adie’s nose. Like a top class anger he fished on with blood pouring from the wound. Adie won the section and was then taken to hospital with a suspected broken nose. Every one was sympathetic including his son Dan who said, ‘He will be alright because he has got a thick skull’ now that’s hurtful along with Adie’s nose.

We have a number of suicide watches going on.

Dom Lanni

The first is for Dom Lanni who weighed in 115lb, unfortunately his third net had a big hole in it and an estimated 80lb of fish escaped. Roy suggested that he should be awarded the section but was overruled by Chris Allen, at the next peg who commented 'that’s what you expect with a cheap net'. Chris was now looking at the section win, even his mates from Burton commented that only Chris could be that jammy. It was even suggested by someone with a name that sounds like Steve Conway that Chris’s pockets should be searched for stanley blades. This was again suggested when Ian Saiger scuppered Chris’s section win with a great catch from peg 1.

Remember Rob Clayton, our most improved angler? Well we may not see him again. He was pegged alongside Scott Brown and young Jarrad Smith. He had a right battering and after a couple of hours needed some counselling. He was heard to say to Scott and Jarrad ‘I have tried everything I know and cannot catch, what else can I do?’. The reply from Scott and Jarrad was ‘go home’ which Rob promptly did with a tear in his eye and no sympathy. Now that is extremely hurtful.

Also on suicide watch is Andy Kind who drew peg 30, the flier on pool 1. End peg Andy ran to his peg but was missing immediately after the weigh-in. The weigh board said Andy had 44lb with a note ‘must try a lot harder’, now that is hurtful. Scott Brown who was pegged on Pool 6 said, ‘I heard some crying at the top end. Obviously it was Andy, he will not be coming again’.

ACE Chris Downs

We are very concerned about Leicester’s Professional Angler, Mr Steve Porter, he failed to weigh and had a battering on the next peg. However he has a great car that can run in stealth mode as no one saw or heard him sneak away.

There were some great performances. Our man ACE Chris Downs is back, his travelling companion Chris Allen commented that the new tablets were working well and he is now stabilised, now that’s very hurtful.

Mr Ward was again up to his usual tricks and was seen walking to the far bank to release his tackle. Everyone knows that no one can consistently cast that bad and the Sensas bucket was the clue to why he really goes to the far bank every match.

He was even nasty to the Pensioner Brian Envis who weighed in 110lb. Dagga was heard to say, ‘the Glebe is an awesome fishery, because when someone of Brian’s ability can catch over 100lbs it must be awesome’, now again that is hurtful.

The Pensioner Brian Envis

It should be mentioned that Team Parker are now living in the modern world and have a computer. Team Parker are out for battering everyone this year as Barbara believes there is a conspiracy to stop Gordon winning every match.

We failed to mention Over Practice Bob Eaton this match because we could not find him afterwards. However the result sheet tells the story - poor old Bob was the lowest weight on the complex with only 23lb. His travelling companion Ringo, when ask for a comment said ‘Bob drew the only peg he had not got any special rigs tied for, he has rigs for every other peg on the complex’.

More next week from Ruthless Russell and Animal Ward.

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