Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

It all happens at Mallory Park Fisheries, and last week was no exception. We all know that many of our members are a little dippy and sometimes little things upset them a lot. The club caters for anglers of all abilities and sexual deviations, but there must be a limit.

This week we can report on a mutiny on a canal barge, anglers on very serious suicide watch, bad fishing performances, teddies thrown out of the pram, and rule breakers. More of this later.

The fishing this last two weeks has been brilliant, our corporate events have been very good and Sunday’s event on Glebe Pool 1, the Foundation Lake and Mallory Big Lake were excellent.

Pool 1

ACE Downs- 122lb – peg 8
Rob Bowser - 111lb – peg 1
Gordon Parker - 86lb – peg 2

Chris Allen - 169lb – peg 18
Steve Porter - 101lb – peg 14
Steve Nemus - 90lb – peg 9

Carl Redman - 93lb – peg 30
Brian Envis - 90lb – peg 21
Les Wright - 84lb – peg 23

Foundation

Gordon Priddy - 81lb – peg 9
Chris Jayes - 61lb – peg 11
Mick Wilkinson - 37lb – peg 4

Garry Saddler - 108lb – peg 26
Kerry Dyson - 89lb – peg 15

Matt Hall - 97lb – peg 31
Graham Carlyle - 74lb – peg 28
Mark Davis - 74lb – peg 41

Big Lake

Trev Slater - 128lb – peg 11
Ken Evans - 120lb – peg 10
John Duncan - 119lb – peg 6

Kev Russell - 85lb – peg 12
Nasty Kind - 82lb – peg 2
Andy Towers - 56lb – peg 5

Andy Kind

Back to the mutiny on the canal. You may have noticed a food shortage this week. This was because the canal network was jammed by a barge near Foxton Locks. It is not possible that Admiral Nelson is related to Steve Warner because no one could be that bad on a canal barge. Steve Warner’s wife treated Captain Steve to a few days on a canal barge, but after only one day and night a serious mutiny on board caused chaos on the canal network. It was a good job that there were no muskets or cannons on board or another war could have been started. We have been reliably informed that Captain Warner, who was wearing his captain’s hat at the time, was ordered to drop wife and child off at the nearest bridge. His wife, who could stand the trip no more, made a considerable amount of bad language and serious threats against the captain. It was a shame because Elaine (Captain Warner’s Wife) was writing a book about all the pegs that Leicester’s Professional Angler had failed at on this section of the canal. Only five chapters were completed because the boat had only travelled about one mile in the first day. We can report that all the teddies are back in the pram and Captain Warner will not be walking the plank.

We are not mentioning Leicester’s Professional Angler Mr Sportier any more, because he revels in the publicity, other than to say he came last in his section in the last Monday night match on the Foundation Lake.

Our new playmate this month is Mick Python Moore. He had a little tiff the other night with the Pensioner Brian Envis, who he battered. Mick fishes different rules to the rest of us, if he wins his section regardless of the weight he claims he won the match. If he catches more than the Pensioner, even if he is on another lake, it is considered a battering. He does get a little touchy so we are treading carefully. The Pensioner has asked that we point out that the Python has not yet qualified for the prestigious Mallory final.

Jew Boy in happier times

It is becoming a little embarrassing for some members regarding the qualifiers. The Jew Boy failed yet again and worst than that lost a pound to the angler next to him. We will not mention his real name but Chris Needham is now paranoid and must be watched at all times. Mrs Needham is getting suspicious regarding the lack of winnings coming home - in the good times it was a Chinese meal, now it is a bag of crisps.

There were cheers for Gary Saddler, not because he was top weight on the Foundation Lake, but because he finally qualified. However it was an expensive day as a crocodile pulled in his rod and reel.

With three qualifiers to go we are very concerned about a number of anglers who are struggling badly. Mr Ward, Gringo Clayton and Bob Eaton join Jew Boy and a few others for the showdown in the next few events. The list of those who have already qualified is here.

Nasty Kind is before the committee after trying to pull a flanker with his spod on Sunday. He cracked off first cast before the match with an 'empty' spod. The comment was that 15lb line should not break. We all agreed that with an 'empty' spod that is correct. This is only mentioned because he reckons Robber Marlow needs a good solicitor as he had fish rising in his swim before the match started.

Congratulations to Over Practice Bob Eaton (not yet qualified) who won the Master of Mallory Monday night league. It was a very close thing down to the wire on the last match.

The final points were:
Bob Eaton 84pts
Hovis Hudson 83pts
John Hall 82pts

And finally we have a busy weekend with the ACA Masters on Saturday, our Sunday Members match and our Bank Holiday Monday match at the Glebe followed by a barbeque.

Watch this space for latest news next week from Russelli.

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