Mallory Park Fisheries - Snide Rumours & Dirty Lies

Since our last update there has been plenty happening at Mallory Park Fisheries - some of it good, much of it bad when it comes to looking after member’s interests. Even more members have joined those who are on suicide watch. Unauthorised swimming is becoming a problem. We may be losing some match members who have put their fishing tackle on e-bay. We have a new award to replace the nasty prize, simply because the same people kept winning it. It is the WHINGER of the month award, more later when you can read who has won this month’s award. New rules regarding not destroying other angler’s pegs are mentioned. All of this later.

The fishing has been brilliant on all of the lakes. The Schools National was a great success, Age Concern events have seen record weights, and some of our private events have been simply awesome. For those of you who target specimen fish, many have had their personal best fish and several carp have been weighed going over 20lb. For those who read the angling press they will be aware of the growing problem regarding fish deaths, this is very serious and a major threat to us all. Bio-security is very important, drying tackle, especially nets, is vital - you must lay nets out in the sun prior to fishing.

Dave Hunter

Our own Champion of Mallory event was held on Saturday 13th September. This was the event where you had to qualify. At the end we managed to get everyone through, even Chris Needham qualified.

It turned out to be a hard fishing day with weights lower than normal, but that made for a more even event. The eventual winner was Dave Hunter with 120lb - well done Dave everyone sends their congratulations. Dave collected 1K and left with a big smile.

Section winners were:

Matt Hall - 82lb
Steve Conway - 87lb
Bob Eaton - 72lb
Ady Hull - 96lb
Dave Hunter - 120lb
Gary Miller - 105lb
Max Higgot - 81lb

Our other club events have produced massive weights on the Foundation Lake, Big Lake and Pool 1, with loads of nets over 100lb.

The News of The World has asked if we can serialise our snide rumours as they believe it is better than the leading soap operas.

Every story that is printed has to be verified for fear of reprisals and at least two reliable, honest, beyond reproach, sane witnesses are required. (That part is extremely difficult - one out of three is pretty good. Russelli)

At a recent away match our ambassador to fishing and wildlife, Mr Ward, threw a big wobbly. After 30 minutes he was walking the bank threatening to go home and leave his traveling companion honest Roy to make his own way home. Things had not gone well - tackle was in the trees and in the water after a disastrous start. Even the friendly rat on his peg got some serious abuse and was terrified. It did not get any better and members had to constantly council our ambassador, as he could not be left alone for fear of hurting himself. He was extremely hurtful to the fat rat comparing it to Scott Brown - now that is going too far.

Pool 8 ghost carp

I mentioned tackle for sale on e-bay!! Nasty Kind finally got his comeuppance at the recent match on Mallory Big Lake. He was again slagging our most improved angler, Gringo Clayton, with words like ‘the only way you will ever beat me is if I don’t turn up’. Well Andy did turn up and was battered by Gringo Clayton with a record personal best catch of 115lb. Well done Gringo and Scott Brown, who coached him all the match. Asked for a quote, Gringo said ‘winter’s coming, that is when I am most dangerous’ does that mean he is a psychopath and likes the dark nights? Nasty Kind had no option but to take the battering with a kind of smile. He said, ‘that’s it, I am selling my kit and taking up golf’.

The quote of the week came from Paul Bates in a recent match. Before the event ‘Anyone who draws peg 30 should have a minimum of 100lb because it is solid’. Paul drew peg 30, is 40lb close to 100lb?

We are not mentioning our now sponsored professional angler Mr Porter, because he just likes the publicity.

ACE Downs has been keeping a low profile lately, so low he was in the water the other day rescuing pole sections. This must stop as water in the lake in question washed over the bank due to the huge displacement. From now on we will refer to ACE as MINKY Downs.

And now the Whinger of the month award.

This was a close call between three members; Mr Ward for his actions on the away match, Nasty Kind who was threatened by Dominic Lanni for continually moaning when pegged next to him in the Big Match.

However the winner by several clear miles has to be our Global Traveling Pensioner Gordon Priddy. When paying his pools for the Grand Final match he asked that it be noted that it was paid under protest. The committee would like to verify that Gordon paid his pools under protest. The committee is not certain why, as everyone else paid without protest. It so happened that Gordon won some money and the committee has asked that it be noted that he collected his winnings with out protest. We said clear miles, what topped it was the next day’s event where Gordon Whinged and moaned all through the match (verified by Scott Brown). He weighed in over 160lb, we cannot imagine how much he would have moaned if he had caught 200lb.

Our latest Sunday event on the 28th was hard work after our first frost. Section winners were:

Andy Towers - 78lb
Gary Miller - 98lb
Team Abu Parkers - 119lb
MINKY Downs - 88lb
Chris Pot frog Allen - 146lb
And finally after several years of trying a brilliant section win for Pete Exton with 61lb.

Miss Ginsters 1983

We mentioned about not destroying other anglers pegs!!! It turns out that Jew Boy Chris Needham decided to clear overhanging rushes out of his far bank peg, which is perfectly legal. He crawled up to the offending reeds in stealth mode, more like a snake in the grass. Being very quiet he snipped the offending vegetation, keeping disturbance to a minimum, in fact he was less visible than a sniper in action. He retreated in the same stealth mode and the operation was so perfect that no one else even spotted him. On the way back he bumped into the Pensioner Brian Envis who had decided to clear the offending reeds from his peg. Armed with a bank stick and big boots Brian flattened the reeds and rushes, in fact the area looked like a scene from scorched earth.

‘I say, what are you doing me old mucker?’ shouted Jew Boy, ‘clearing the bank side’ said Brian. ‘That’s spiffing’ said Jew Boy, ‘but I think that you’ll find that this is my peg and not yours’. (This part has been edited in case you are reading it before the 9pm watershed - the actual words may be offensive to some people.)

Over practising is becoming a problem for some people. Fishing as a team has been tolerated regarding Team Parkers but again we may require a new rule. It now turns out that certain members who cannot be named, but are sponsored by Ginsters, are sending girlfriends to practice on their behalf. The committee is going to consider this as it is taking the Mickey.

Talking about Team Ginsters (Scott Brown) was very hurtful to MINKY Downs when he commented, ‘if MINKY had not stopped fishing to eat several pies he would have won the match and not just his section’.

Python and Eel

There was a serious needle match on Pool 1. It looked like The Clash of the Pythons (I meant Titans). Rob The Eel Clayton was drawn next to Mick The Python Moore. Serious bets were placed although we are not certain of the outcome because The Eel was not at his peg at the weigh-in. Python Mick weighed 47lb.

It will soon be Winter League time and I will endeavor to give you a weekly report. Keep the news coming in and I will try to make everyone happy.

Russelli.

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